Nocturnal Poïesis

Legend has it that the picture has hidden elements that only a subtle eye can pick out. Rumored to be hidden in the picture are ancient candy treats and the twin symbols of powerful sound that made the ancients intoxicated with forbidden pleasure. Thousands have speculated but none have found the true meaning of the many unexplained nuances. Hence, the mystery continues to baffle us till date.

Can you spot something, dear reader? [click through to original, large image warning]


PS - I know I have not posted since July. Sorry about that. Those of you who are still subscribed to me, you must have incredible patience (or incredibly lazy). Either ways, thank you :P I have been busy building myself a career, so not getting much sleep or free time to myself. Hence no posting. Will post another intermezzo some time soon... In the meantime, catch up with my tech blogs at http://shailpik.com/content.

... the kind that has nothing to with my vocal chords or my words. Okay so it might have something to do with my vocal chords sometime into the future but other than that it does not have much.

I was listening to Manga (they are a Rap/Metal band from Turkey) and was struck by the obvious thing – how the language barrier meant absolutely zilch. Most of those who know me personally know that I was involved with a nu-metal band for a while in the past (late 2007 to early 2009). For those who did not, well now you do. So  that was obviously on my mind when I was listening to this.

There is a reason why I join them despite being completely alien to the genre and vice-versa. I, like so many others, am guilty of liking the stage. I like being up there, I like the adrenaline kick and like that feeling. But at the end of the day, instincts took over. Like they always do in me. I could no longer go on with a sound that meant nothing to me. If someone from my ex-band is reading – the reasons I gave you were true but they weren't complete. So no, I did not lie to you.

I am glad I was part of an outfit that is very talented and forward thinking but in the end it was not for me. I turned down the other people who made me an offer. So I was thinking, do I really like the stage all that much.

My heart is mainly after electronic music. I wanted to be a Dj for such a long time. The trajectory I gave people was this – I will dj to the best of my abilities. I will pick up skills along the way and finally make my own music.

Stand here at this point in my life I can tell that I have been able to follow up on that. It just did not agree with me. I was put off. Not by how much everything costs and not by how tough it is to make it even regionally. I was put off by the fact that I would playing to a jaded audience. I was put off by the fact that the electronica that is played in the clubs is still mainstream even though it is an alternative culture here. It is only a matter of time before projects like Submerge take on the mainstream. Blessed are people like Nikhil Chinapa and Pearl and my favorite – DJ Tuhin. They have dared to do something completely out of the way while sitting here in India.

But much as I tried, I could bring myself to reconcile with that culture. The club culture I suppose. I know it is much more that but the glamour is only the outer layer.

Worst of all, I cannot connect to the music. I simply cannot. The reason I like Tuhin is because he has an amazing variety. The guy is a really talented DJ and he is really versatile in his playing style.

So as I was listening to Manga, all these thoughts were going through my head. Things are of course complicated by my likely relocation sometime late next year. However, it is more likely to open up my opportunities than anything else. A versatile, lively, dynamic and ever-changing music scene is one of the main advantages of an Internationally important city. If I am right, the only place where I would get more action would be NY.

So with that dangling in front of me, I am thinking to myself. Am I ready for it? Am I really ready for the opportunities there?

I like so many different kinds of music and there are so many tracks that move me. They move something deep within me. But as I was writing this post, especially the last few line, I figured something out. I figured out that if I can take the tracks apart, they might tell me something.

But then I have already done it. I have already made it quite clear to myself. It is displayed clearly in all the bits and pieces that sit within the depths of my white Mac. Funnily enough, I realize that I am not a good producer yet or a very lazy one. I cannot put the pieces together.

Thus, I feel like I am still searching around for my voice. It is scattered all over the place and the clues lie in 23am (thank you Sion), in This Binary Universe, in Wait For Me and in Shpongle. Beyond that, I am pretty lost.

Pale Horses by thelittleidiot

I feel like I let things seep too deep in to my unconscious most of the times. Everything is magnified when I am the one experiencing it. Everyone else is (seemingly) unperturbed by these things and only I am rendered slightly incapable, slightly speechless.

This, ummm... facility that I have is not without its useful sides. I can easily adapt to situations and modify my habits accordingly. To point where I might start noticing that I am acting like a completely different person. But then again that comes from my attempt to blend in.

After this part comes where I try to negate that flow in my system. I try not to blend in. Because I don't want to. I don't want to be another somebody. But the tallest tree (or the weirdest one) attracts a lot of attention. That is when I want to blend in. Where does this weird to and fro end? Where do I strike a balance.

I have been bullied for the better part of my school life. Now that I am slowly beginning to build my own world around me, I realize that the fear of confrontation has been ingrained deep within me. It does not incapacitate me anymore like it used to but it does invoke the 'fight or flee' syndrome. And not to mention my reactions to people who used to be my senior and even junior at school. I usually only know them by their faces. They know me by name. There is a strange trepidation every time I see these people. I hide quite well and it only comes across as awkwardness at the sudden meeting, IF we talk at all.

Strange how I still react to people who resemble a certain a few characteristics. I just noticed the difference today was I was traveling in a bus. The way my mind and body reacted when someone closer to my age fitting the description sat down next to me and when a middle-aged nondescript man sat down beside me. Logically, my observations tell me that that man who was 'nondescript' to me was more likely to be a source of danger than those boys.

But my irrational fears still remain and they eat away at my self-confidence and self-image. I often think of how powerless I am. I have always avoided going in to physical confrontations. I have always cleverly maneuvered out of things through strategy, friends, etc. I have only reacted physically when I was pushed over the edge or when I felt there was no way I could lose. Funnily enough, sometimes I have even gotten away just by giving the impression that I am not to be messed with.

Interesting how the human mind works. Completely unknown people are scared of me. Completely unknown people hate me. Completely unknown people think they have me figured out. And it is even weirder when I have to confront these people and their familiarity for the first time.

At least I can talk about these things. I need to observe more. It is something I had stopped doing.